Are you ashamed to be a business owner?
Business and shame has been a dominant theme in my work and personal life this week. Two of my coaching clients felt immobilised by shame around marketing their private mental health practices. One of my therapy clients shared that she was similarly paralysed by shame about her “lack of productivity” during a period of postnatal depression. I also had my own bitter dose of shame when, once again, I scrolled across a thread in a professional group where a whole bunch of clinical psychologists expressed their distaste for people who go into private practice “too quickly” after qualification.
Some people voiced potentially legitimate concerns about experience levels but the vast majority were either implying or stating that those who go into private practice early are guided by their wallets rather than their conscience. I would love to claim that this is water off my super resilient back but as someone who talks publicly about the fact I went into independent practice very quickly after qualifying it feels a bit… unfriendly.
In fact, it detonates a shame explosion in my gut.
Perhaps that is intended or perhaps the participants haven’t spent much time reflecting but I’m done with pretending there is no impact. We are all human and criticism hurts, even if we don’t let it stop us living our values.
Of course, I’m not in private practice because I wanted to rip off the NHS (who paid for my training) and make a ton of money. There are far easier ways to make money. I, like everyone else I have ever met in independent practice, started my business because my values required it.
I may feel ashamed but at the same, complicated, moment I know that my children could not have survived these years if I had remained in the NHS. The compromises I would have made would have hurt them and my clients. I also know that if none of us went into private practice the hundreds of people I have supported in my independent work would either have sat on an NHS waiting list getting worse and making it longer or they would not have been unable to access a service at all.
I proudly spend half my time in my independent work focussed on the stuff that prevents people needing to access our overstretched NHS services and I don’t think any of those would have happened if I had continued in an NHS role. I doubt I would have had time to work on the research projects on the mental health impact of Hyperemesis Gravidarum I’ve been part of and I probably wouldn’t have educated employees around the country on perinatal mental health and the mental health impact of parenting children with SEND either. The free resources I provide on Pregnant and Sick and through my blogging and collaborations with charities would also not exist.
So yes, I would have worked in the NHS for longer but would that really have been better for anyone? There is no mandatory return of service after clinical training. I can only assume this is because you work for the NHS while they train you and they don’t want the responsibility of actually giving you a qualified job at the end. It may also be in recognition of the fact that providing services in the private or third sector also supports the NHS. Tax is the most obvious mechanism for this but independent businesses also take patients off impossibly long waiting lists, lead innovative service design, publicise public health information and conduct research all of which benefits the NHS.
Challenging deeply held beliefs about women and work
So why are intelligent people seemingly so ready to jump on the private practice bashing bandwagon? There is something deeper than “repaying” your training fees to the NHS going on when those Facebook groups ignite with self-righteous fury. When there is steam coming off the keyboard you know you’ve challenged a deeply held belief and I think we need to look beyond clinical psychology to fully understand it.
Firstly, we need to acknowledge that clinical psychology is a female-dominated career. I believe this is relevant as I studied alongside many male medical doctors in the course of my MBA at Warwick Business School and when I asked them if colleagues were judgemental of the entrepreneurial endeavours I was met with entirely blank expressions. Yet, when I go to my local Mums in Business network and ask the same question a flurry of Interior Designers, Home Organisers, Massage Therapists and Hypnobirthing teachers all nod furiously. This anecdata makes me think the key is not that we are health professionals at all but it might be gender instead.
I see shame in every space where women dare to take up room and ask to be paid for their expertise. Whether it is hate directed towards MLM business owners in networking meetings or unbridled scepticism of those setting up awards evenings there is a recurring theme. Women should work for free.
If we extrapolate this to its logical conclusion what we are really seeing is the manifestation of the belief that “women’s work” is not valuable. Mental health is not valuable, skincare is not valuable, and celebrating success is not valuable. And of course, caring for children is not valuable. I doubt that any of the people who are so keen to insinuate that entrepreneurship is unethical would agree with those statements explicitly but they are lending them tacit support every time they tear another woman down for asking to be paid for her work.
We may not like capitalism, none of us chose it, but we do have to operate within it. It is true that in a capitalist society money = value. It is only those with the most extreme privilege who can choose to work for free or accept very low wages. In the majority of cases those who disparage others for wanting to make a living from their skills are being financially supported by someone else, leaving them free to under-charge and spend their mental energy judging others. The rest of us need to pay our bills and that means we must ask to be paid for our expertise or we end up with a situation where all of those who “care” for a living do so in poverty while those with a wonkier moral compass become billionaires. This may sound familiar…
These beliefs are often internalised by people of all genders who take up traditionally “feminine” roles and they are deeply harmful to everyone. Clearly, they lead those in female-dominated roles to a life of poverty but they also force those in traditionally masculine roles to carry all of the responsibility for staying a float in the choppy waters of capitalism.
Despite all these rational arguments, I do still feel shamed when I see the private practice bashing in our professional groups. I often have to give myself a moment or two of compassion and a reminder of the people I’ve helped over the years to get through it. Perhaps the most effective remedy for shame immobilisation that I know however, is receiving compassion from others. In the years I have been running Psychology Business School I have had the great privilege to get to know a lot of incredible women in business, many of whom are Psychologists and therapists. The power of raising each other up through sympathy and support has been undeniable. I hope I can bring you some of that through my content here.
This podcast I recorded with Dr Marianne Trent is all about the shame we both felt going into private practice and how we managed to work through it to build a business that allows us to live our personal and professional values. I hope you will find it useful to listen to if you ever experience a hint of shame as a business owner with values and ethics!
New series of the Business of Psychology
Last week I released the trailer for our new season of the Business of Psychology podcast. This series is all about resilience and adaptability in private practice. We are going to be thinking about the emotional and practical changes we need to make to keep our businesses thriving through the tumultuous mental health landscape. Dealing with shame will be a recurring theme!
This week’s episode is a recording of a practical masterclass with Chris Morin from Moonraker all about the stuff we can do to get found on search engines. If you’ve been seeing a dip in referrals or you are anxious about filling up your books this is one of the most value packed masterclasses we have ever hosted inside Psychology Business School and I have put it on the pod for free because I want you all to get found instead of the big VC backed online platforms (you know who I mean!)
Once you’ve had a listen I’d love to get your thoughts on how you see the future of private practice.
Questions for you…
What trends you've noticed coming down the track in mental health care?
Is there anything that's giving you anxiety about the future of independent practice or anything you've noticed that you're really excited about and you think could really change the way that we work?
Let me know in the comments please!
Ways to work with me
If you are a parent struggling with your mental health, HG or recovering from a traumatic birth my practice offers specialist therapy to help you thrive again. Book a free chat with us over at www.knowyourmindconsulting.com
If you are a mental health professional venturing into private practice, possibly because you NEED the flexibility we have everything you need from legal documentation, courses and coaching to create a fulfilling and profitable practice (whatever life throws at you) over at www.psychologybusinessschool.com
If you are a parent struggling to find your spark for your career or business due to the changing needs of your family, maybe due to SEND or caring responsibilities. You can book a free call here to discuss coaching to reignite your spark and help you reconnect with your professional values.
I have a reminder......economic value is not some intrinsic quality, when the economic system was created - money was invented, economic values were assigned. Ok, now prices and values are largely determined by supply and demand in the market place. However, that system was created in a way in which, for example, economic value is attributed to building a wall. If a man uses his body to build a wall, that attracts economic value. If a woman uses her body to build a person - no value. People find this a little hard to comprehend and it is met with spluttering outrage and 'are you suggesting that women get paid to have their own kids?'. No, I'm saying that in the creation, in the modelling of an economic system, the work of men was rewarded and the work of women was not. Fast forward to the 19th/20th Century where slowly men have given some ground and said 'ok you can come into the work place, as long as you do it like we do' STILL ignores the fact that we make the people. We spend nearly ten months building each of them in our bodies, some time afterwards literally feeding them from our bodies and the rest of our lives ensuring that they are nurtured. As I said to Rosie, being allowed on the male playing field is simply not enough. We need our own playing field. I then get the argument that this is some kind of special treatment. No, it's not. We're half the population. The reality of our lives deserves to be recognised and we should not have to pretend.
Mind blowing! Deeply resonated whilst hitting so many powerful nails on the head! Thank you for the free resource on organic traffic reducing on the website as I can definitely see this trend.